WHY BOREDOM IS DANGEROUS

The following is a list of things to do when you are bored. I do not give permission nor can I be held responsible if you so choose, to do anything on this list,
Thank you,
Your superior.

1. Wax the ceiling
2. Buy cheese
3. Drop your cat from a high place, to see if it really does land on all four feet
4. Repeat above until failure
5. Load Snood onto a friend’s computer
6. Sharpen your teeth
7. Do the magician “saw a box trick” with your sister
8. Wash behind your ears
9. Clean and polish your belly button
10. Ask people if they want to see your “belly button treasure”
11. Wash a tree
12. Flirt with an evergreen
13. Find a male
14. Mail him
15. Knight yourself and some close friends
16. Complain about your nose hurting
17. Give your cat a Mohawk
18. Purr
19. Mow your carpet
20. Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings, of course)
21. Whine
22. Play all your cds backwards
23. See if any of them say anything scary
24. Dress up in a cow suit… go to the supermarket
25. Moo
26. Play with matches
27. Buff your cat
28. Raise professional racing llamas
29. Join debate and agree with everyone
30. Dial-a-prayer and argue
31. Read homer in the original Greek
32. Learn Greek
33. Change your mind
34. Change it back
35. Change your major
36. Ask a question
37. Answer it
38. Paint your windows
39. Flash your goldfish
40. Paint
41. Smile
42. Paint a smile
43. Shoot at a toaster
44. Apologize to it
45. See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement
46. Rotate your garden…daily
47. Plant a shoe
48. Water it
49. Sweat
50. Give an ink blot test to your gerbil
51. Take apart the toaster and microwave
52. Mix and match the parts
53. Turn your TV upside down
54. Take an ant for a walk
55. Take your aunt for a walk
56. Sell dirty socks
57. Start
58. Stop
59. Dial 911and breathe heavily
60. Go to a funeral and tell jokes
61. Put lighted exit signs on all your closets
62. Carry a tune
63. Drop it, see if it breaks
64. Starch your underwear
65. Contemplate a cockroach
66. Get a bug to chase your car
67. Let him catch it
68. Start a club
69. Make everyone who joined pay dues, then call it stupid and quit
70. Wear a salad
71. Ride a loaf of bread
72. Annoy yourself
73. Get angry with yourself
74. Stop speaking to yourself
75. Kiss and make up with yourself
76. Stand on your head
77. Stand on someone else’s head
78. Learn everything there is to know about the three toed sloth
79. Laugh at teacher’s puns
80. Build a pyramid
81. Paint your teeth
82. Climb a sidewalk
83. Speak with a lisp
84. MAKE a drive in window at the dairy-queen
85. Walk on water, but DON’T get caught
86. Shave a shrub
87. Have a proton fight
88. Watch a home movie and make fun of yourself as a kid
89. Quiver
90. Learn to type with your toes
91. Recite romantic poetry to your washing machine
92. Buy the Eiffel tower
93. Mail it to a friend
94. Make them pay the postage
95. Be in the wrong place at the right time
96. Be someone special
97. Plot the overthrow of your local school board
98. Request covert assistance from the CIA
99. Factor your social security number
100. Read the 1962 Los Angeles white pages
101. Plead the fifth
102. Plead the sixth
103. Plead the 8,003rd
104. Learn to read Sanskrit
105. Learn to write Sanskrit
106. Exist… existentially of course
107. Search for buried treasure… in Idaho
108. Hot wax the bottom of your professor’s shoes
109. Print counterfeit confederate money
110. Kick a cabbage
111. Say you’re sorry
112. Take a picture
113. Put it back
114. Sand a mushroom
115. Find the heat capacity of your science professor
116. Play solitaire for cash
117. Abuse your patio furniture
118. Run for Pope
119. If you don’t win, run for God
120. If you still don’t win, run for mayor of Idaho
121. Try harder
122. Write a book about life, call it death
123. Make a quilt of used napkins
124. Revert
125. Sleep on a bed of nails
126. Don’t toss and turn
127. Think shallow thoughts
128. Drown in them
129. Have your favorite sock bronzed
130. Boil ice cream
131. Blast pop music through town
132. Carve your boyfriendgirlfriendcrushes’ initials in a marshmallow
133. Speak in acronyms
134. Drive the speed limit, in your garage
135. Make a schematic drawing of a rock
136. Become a rabid Pog fan
137. Sing the national anthem during your English final
138. Pay off the national debt, with a bad check
139. Calmly have a nervous breakdown
140. Give your goldfish a perm
141. Paint your home bright orange
142. Play tag on I5
143. Find the nearest nowhere and go there
144. Exorcize a ghost
145. Go to a cemetery and verbally abuse dead people
146. Paint stripes on a lake
147. Two words… Hot Dog
148. Explain random theories
149. Test thin ice with a pogo stick
150. Apply for a unicorn hunting license
151. Defend your neighborhood from flesh eating robots
152. Do a good job
153. Crawl
154. Be a side affect
155. Be a front defect
156. Play hockey with your little cousin… as the puck
157. Duck
158. Goose
159. Play duck duck goose
160. Join the army; be someone simple
161. Think like a zebra
162. Hit the deck
163. Cut the deck
164. Swab the deck
165. Put leg warmers on your furniture
166. Be number six
167. Sit
168. Stay
169. Roll over
170. Play dead
171. Shake
172. Rattle and roll
173. Be a Rock n Roll star
174. Roll stones
175. Pick up sticks
176. Play a game of giant pickup stix with pool cues
177. Be Polish
178. Be Canadian
179. Be Idahodian
180. Donate your room mate’s body to science
181. Watch the Wonder Years
182. Wonder
183. Give someone a kiss on the lips… in the middle of class… that hates you
184. Be a square root
185. Park your car with a “friend”
186. Park your car with a group of “friends”
187. Ask stupid questions
188. Answer them
189. Spew
190. Say “moist”
191. Put a stick on the sidewalk
192. Laugh when someone trips
193. Laugh REALLY REALLY hard if they break a bone
194. Solve the population problem i.e. x +2y-16x = population
195. Contribute to the population problem
196. Interview a member of the opposite sex
197. Ask embarrassing questions
198. Go to a drive-in movie in a tank
199. Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway
200. Crumble
201. Crumple
202. Make up a new language
203. Use it often
204. Be stupid for a day
205. Do aerobics...in your head
206. Play cards with your swimming pool
207. Bother a sibling, profusely
208. Send your iguana to obedience school
209. Pinstripe your driveway
210. Play "Kick the fire-hydrant"
211. Chipmunk power
212. Free the oppressed toaster-ovens of America
213. Free the obsessed toaster-ovens of America
214. Mug a stop sign
215. Join your local AA meetings
216. Go for a walk in the attic
217. Challenge the neighbor kid to duel
218. Find a witch
219. Burn her
220. Regress
221. Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat
222. Go bow hunting for Toyotas
223. Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids
224. Boldly go where no man has gone before
225. Jump back
226. Play to lose  
227. Snort
228. Be a threat to the American way of life
229. Be a threat to the Northwest Tibetan way of life
230. Re-establish the Roman Empire in Wyoming
231. Have your car painted plaid
232. Found the TLO (Tomato Liberation Organization)
233. Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation
234. Cockfight turnips
235. Give your grandmother a raise...and another week paid vacation
236. Sharpen your sleeping skills
237. Put out a fire
238. If you can't find one make one
239. Ionize your new chemistry professor (you took the heat capacity of the first one)
240. Make a life-sized replica of the Statue of Liberty...out of grape Jell-O
241. Tree a goldfish
242. Get a college education
243. Bury your father’s dodge
244. Tell him your the dog did it
245. Catch a falling star
246. Throw it back
247. Place your cat in hyperspace
248. Again tell your dad the dog did it
249. Throw a sleepover
250. Catch it
251. Talk to people who are half asleep (What do you really think about me?”)
252. Install handicapped access to the {your favorite pathetic baseball team's} dugout
253. Provide a reason to everyone why they should love you
254. Prove once and for all that a cow can jump over the moon
255. Complain to God that Jupiter has more moons than we do
256. Blow spit bubbles
257. Become a Hermit on your front lawn (works best if you live on a main road!)
258. Find pepper and dust and break the world record of sneezes
259. Attack the annoying Microsoft-word cat with your mouse cursor
260. Have a starring contest with the aforementioned
261. Have a Weezer marathon…
262. …Then play MSI
263. Build a house on the Sims and name the people Mr. and Mrs. (crush name here)
264. Wiggle your leg
265. Smile all day for a day
266. Count to a million as fast as you can
267. Write my PNW report for me
268. Bark at your dog
269. Bark at your mom
270. Bark at people in the grocery store
271. Eat bark (tree bark)
272. Bark at the tree
273. Mark your territory
274. Go for a walk
275. Go for a run
276. Hop up and down
277. Just hop up
278. Hope
279. Send fan mail to bob hope
280. Send hate mail to bob hope (Use same name^)
281. Go to Cali and leave mail for Blink 182 at the local taco bell in San Diego
282. Talk back to the radio [play that funky music white boy…] “what kinda music?”
283. Play funky music
284. Smell EVERYTHING you come across
285. Grease every door hinge in the house, then yell at people for slamming doors
286. Unplug the phone and plug it in and unplug it and plug it in and unplug…
287. Organize your sock drawer
288. Go to a Swing dance and do the hokey-pokey
289. Do the hokey-pokey at 3 am
290. Talk to squirrels (squeaker squeaking squeakity?)
291. Love to hate
292. Hate to love
293. Give
294. Take back
295. Call yourself an Indian giver
296. Learn to play the harmonica (NOO)
297. Write a song
298. Sing it
299. Record it
300. Listen to yourself, realize you suck and throw it out
301. Make a collage of eyes taped to your wall
302. When you have people over ask them if they ever feel like they are being watched
303. Laugh
304. Snicker
305. Eat snickers
306. Eat Cadbury chocolate from Ireland
307. Make a crown
308. Wear it
309. Insist everyone calls you “Your highness”
310. Chew on a lollipop stick
311. Get all mixed up
312. Don’t know what to do
313. Put yourself back together
314. Memorize pi
315. Memorize pie
316. Eat pie
317. Get a stuffed animal that’s a lamb
318. Name it Bunny
319. Build floatation devices for rodents during monsoon season
320. Polish golf balls for a living
321. Defy gravity
322. Obey gravity
323. Yell at gravity
324. Hit some hay
325. Repent for doing that
326. Cross your legs
327. Uncross them
328. Make a Christmas wish list in July
329. Get Sonny Kobe Cook’s autograph
330. Write a poem about eyebrows
331. Make an interpretative dance to the comet song
332. Perform it in front of relatives
333. Stare at yourself
334. Stare back
335. Stare in general
336. Speak Yiddish
337. Learn to speak Yiddish
338. Go Amish
339. Recruit friends
340. Sew your own clothes
341. Learn Korean and speak back to nail ladies
342. Tell me what they are saying!
343. Play strip poker with college students
344. Ask people how to pronounce their name
345. Pick the fuzz balls off hotel blankets
346. Collect hotel blankets
347. Collect hotel keys
348. Write calligraphy messages to your friends
349. Play mental Tic-tac-toe
350. Play mental hopscotch
351. Play mental
352. Play
353. Be somebody
354. Be somebody else
355. Eat vitamins (Flintstones rock)
356. Kick pop machines
357. Loose your contact
358. Find it
359. Dress up in suit made of thumb tacks
360. Go to a balloon factory
361. Wear duct tape
362. 3 hole punch your curtains
363. Tie-dye your curtains
364. Tie-dye your hair
365. Dye your hair
366. Get your hairs cut
367. Fluff
368. Smile like a doughnut
369. Find out what people are talking about when they say “it”
370. Ditto with “thing”
371. Meet that one guy with the two eyes and a nose
372. Become a Pepsi addict
373. Figure out what you want
374. Find the meaning of life
375. Take a class on self defense
376. Save the world
377. Save a world
378. Save your world
379. Be positive
380. Be negative
381. Be neutral
382. Fly a brick
383. Fly
384. Swat flies
385. Befriend flies
386. Name flies
387. Be lord of the flies
388. Read Lord of the Flies
389. Bring a Furby to school
390. Talk to it through your locker door
391. Fondle school tables
392. Stick your tongue out
393. Spin pencils on your fingers
394. Read Spin magazines
395. Run a Miss Area-code pageant
396. Look at lights until you sneeze
397. Wear pigtails
398. Pull someone else’s pigtails
399. Make a new answering machine message
400. Over pluck your eyebrows
401. Burp the Happy Birthday song
402. Be naked underneath your clothes
403. Go shopping for fish
404. Be blunt
405. Be sharp
406. Have a food fight
407. Be thankful for clocks
408. Lick your lips
409. Eat broccoli and pretend to be a dinosaur eating trees
410. Ask people if their name is Randolph
411. Get mad when they say it’s not their name
412. Destroy an old couch
413. Destroy an old crush
414. Crush pop cans with croquet mallets
415. Take pictures of everything
416. Be jealous
417. Be envious
418. Wish
419. Take a wild guess
420. Take a wild goose
421. Eat smoked cheese
422. Watch grass grow
423. Spank a monkey
424. Become a pirate
425. Sail the seas
426. Sail your sandbox
427. Be a spy
428. 3 words… secret…agent…man
429. Go fast
430. Go slow
431. Go lukewarm
432. Even the score
433. Be cold
434. Be hot
435. Start with an A
436. End with a Z
437. Pretend you are blind
438. Throw crutches at people
439. Converse with a flatworm
440. Develop a complex
441. Develop a tick
442. Set off metal detectors
443. Don’t be a devil… yet
444. Groan; act confused when people ask if you are ok
445. Sniffle
446. Crack your knuckles
447. Redecorate your garage
448. Take the word “foot” out of your vocabulary
449. Put it back
450. Preach about seatbelts
451. Ask people if they’ve seen your head
452. Be a Christmas tree
453. Be a Christmas light
454. Burn out
455. Swear at yourself
456. Flicker
457. Go on random driver’s Ed trips
458. Roll down grass hills
459. Be a leaf and leave
460. Be land
461. Be water
462. Drip
463. Drop
464. Drippity-drop
465. Make a plastic cow
466. Lick people’s eyeballs
467. Have them lick yours
468. Be a REALLY cautious driver
469. Stall at intersections and be confused when people honk
470. Turn on your emergency flashers every time you turn
471. Chew on pen caps
472. Learn to angle park
473. Protest bus stops
474. Be a star
475. Be a superstar
476. Paint zebra stripes on your computer
477. Go to Hawaii 9 times but never once learn the hula
478. Measure slugs
479. Have people follow you with red carpet everywhere
480. Get a body guard
481. Give him sunglasses
482. Scratch
483. Scratch your dog
484. Go fish
485. Tan leather
486. Be a bar code
487. Wear pajamas with feet
488. Learn to let go
489. Hold on
490. Pin the tail on a donkey
491. Tape it
492. Glue it
493. Hammer it
494. MC hammer it
495. Flutter bye
496. Forgive
497. Forget
498. Remember
499. Repeatedly call someone Al and get mad when they say that’s not their name
500. Try above with “Tim”
501. Be halfway
502. Hang a curtain rod
503. Puzzle
504. Use makeup to draw faces on people
505. Be blonde
506. Be smart
507. Be a smart blonde
508. Shampoo your hair
509. Shampoo a poodle
510. Wiggle your toes
511. Wiggle your nose
512. Eat lettuce
513. Swim in Tapioca Pudding
514. Enjoy Catsup
515. Take your cat to the restroom with you
516. Eye witness stuff
517. Use the word stuff as much as possible
518. Every time you say the word definitely, spell it out
519. You’re an hour late
520. Loop-di-loo loop-di-lie
521. Release
522. Stand up
523. Sit down
524. Fight fight fight
525. Stop a war
526. Start a war
527. Loose your voice
528. Find it
529. Forget to groom
530. Broom
531. Never say never I never will again
532. Try every flavor at baskin’ robins but don’t buy anything
533. Try the fat free kind too
534. When you smile bite your lip
535. Learn to French… braid
536. Get caught red-handed
537. Get caught blue-handed
538. Hide in a cupboard
539. Whisper everything
540. True
541. Make a bunny nose with your mouth
542. Behold the truth
543. Let it fall
544. Make sound effects for stuff
545. Learn insulting words in other languages
546. Use this knowledge
547. Be a no-name
548. Attract lightning
549. Fold
550. Go play cards
551. Get a belt
552. Watch Real World
553. Crust
554. Play leap frog
555. Not yet!
556. Clean your room (*gasp*)
557. Put your Christmas lights up in April
558. Enlighten a trash can
559. Be cute
560. Fall asleep
561. Be unique, just like everyone else
562. Run a black market selling kittens
563. Plug it in
564. Get a degree in chicken plucking checking
565. Give your bird a manicure
566. Blow a bubble
567. Write a poem about someone you love
568. Say “Narf”
569. Blink
570. Say “blink-blink” when you blink
571. Cough
572. Hug a stranger then apologize saying you thought they were your grandma.
573. Wheeze
574. At the bottom of escalators yell “MY SHOELACE!”
575. Pay for expensive things with pennies
576. Dominate a table spoon
577. When you buy something ask to get your picture taken with the clerk
578. Start a convo with yourself
579. Shout “shut up, SHUT UP,” and hit your head on a table
580. Pretend you are god
581. Claim you are late for a date with the white rabbit
582. Poke someone’s head and say mushroom, poke their stomach and say sponge
583. Declare April 6th slap butt day at your school and actively celebrate it
584. Go bowling-for small game
585. Start humming like a bee in waiting rooms and watch people get nervous
586. Dont ever use punctuation its rather annoying isnt it
587. Turn off the lights whenever you enter a room
588. Respond to everything with “well that’s what you think”
589. Loosen the lug nuts on your dad’s new car
590. This is another situation where you tell your dad the dog did it
591. Rearrange political signs
592. Throw a political party
593. Form a political party
594. Scare Steven King
595. Write a book about a previous life
596. Run around in squares
597. Debate politics with a fern
598. Play tidily winks, go for blood
599. Watch a car rust
600. Play bingo with your neighbor’s cat
601. Find other people who have your name
602. Start a cult with them
603. Make up ghost stories
604. Scare yourself with them
605. Pick a random person and worship them
606. Make sure they know you do
607. Write a book on the life of a storage food container
608. Get a life
609. Do something with it
610. Prevent forest fires
611. Solve world hunger
612. Hot chocolate, lots of hot chocolate
613. Become a band nerd
614. Be one of those people that yell “SHH!” (Even though they ADD to the noise)
615. Attack Costco cart pushers
616. Be a non-being
617. Remove the letter ‘h’ from your vocabulary “ows it going?”
618. Learn the way of Tao
619. Fidget
620. Make a deal with the devil, keep your fingers crossed
621. Write a really long essay
622. Wear a suit of marshmallows
623. Duct tape a spoon to the wall and wait for it to fall
624. Really stick it there this time, so it won’t fall again
625. Chase other people
626. Chase yourself
627. Run from yourself
628. Sneak up on yourself
629. Scream
630. Pick your nose
631. Pick other people’s noses
632. Don’t ask me!
633. Water your dog see if he grows
634. Listen to a painting
635. Watch a dandelion grow
636. Go back to square one
637. Try plan B
638. Sky dive to church
639. Ask for seconds
640. Find out where all these cylinders graduated from
641. Drink pop till you get wired
642. One word: SLINKY!
643. Another Word: STAIRS!
644. Poke telephone poles
645. Whistle Beethoven’s 8th Symphony
646. Whistle while you work
647. Play pick up sticks
648. Don’t break the ice
649. Get un-bored
650. Change your hand writing style
651. Wear fuzzy bunny slippers
652. Make your feet talk to each other
653. Become a garbage man
654. Surf the internet
655. Surf your sofa
656. Surf a Tsunami
657. But don’t get wet
658. Get a chia pet
659. Name it Earl
660. Call it Fred
661. Vacuum your chia pet
662. Alphabetize your fridge
663. Have a heart attack
664. Shake yourself to death
665. Hang out in the bathroom wearing a suit and sell people things
666. Ok now! You can be a devil now
667. Build a small railroad for your community
668. Make flash cards and teach your dog to read tricks
669. Always push your glasses up at the nose bridge
670. Break some rules
671. Duct tape them back together
672. Wear multicolored hair wigs
673. Mix and match your socks
674. Mix and match your sex
675. Make sock puppets
676. Talk to people with them
677. Bite people with them
678. Form a union
679. Purpose marriage to the next living thing you see
680. Isolate a radical
681. Plant M&M’s
682. Write in a circle
683. Stare into space
684. Hold amateur wrestling matches at your local gym
685. Shake a monkey’s paw
686. Marry someone’s shoe
687. Wear mosquito nets wherever you go
688. Learn a new word
689. Shop at thrift stores
690. Prove to me Wyoming exists
691. Find a place to put all the stupid people
692. Play human clue at the super mall
693. Get to know your times tables
694. Chew your lip
695. Become a quadriplegic
696. Be attracted to quadriplegics
697. Day dream
698. Ignore anyone who talks about math
699. Grow claws
700. Get into 80’s music
701. Collect 80’s memorabilia
702. Use the word “Meh” as much as possible
703. Find your gills
704. Turn yourself in for a crime you didn’t commit
705. Make shoelaces out of noodles
706. Slap people with them
707. Talk like a pirate
708. Dress like a pirate
709. Get a song stuck in your head
710. Stay awake for 8 days straight
711. Dot people’s i’s for them
712. Paint with your toes
713. Read a book a sentence a day
714. Eat poker chips
715. Go squirrel watching
716. FWD emails everyday about how stupid FWDS are
717. Learn to do tricks with gum
718. Have a hula party in the winter
719. Become best friends with your suitcase
720. Carry a briefcase with you and offer people phony legal advise
721. Learn to square dance
722. Go circle dancing
723. Send postcards to yourself
724. Be legendary
725. Act like you just met your friend for the first time
726. See how many hugs you can get in one day
727. Learn to march in a school band
728. Make new formations for marching band
729. Become paparazzi for your friends; follow them with a camera
730. Learn random facts and share them with people
731. Move to Egypt
732. Master the art of cherry-stem tongue-tying
733. Go sky-diving dressed as a giant banana
734. Fly an airplane
735. Clean a rabbit
736. Dust bunnies
737. Go skinny-dipping in a pool of jellybeans
738. Go skinny-dipping in a pool of jell-o
739. Be overly protective with your teddy bear
740. Be overly obsessive with your teddy bear
741. Lounge around the house in prom attire
742. Learn to throw your voice
743. Catch it
744. Catch a cold
745. Enjoy the perks of being sick
746. Hire people to wait on you
747. Say everything twice
748. Say everything twice
749. Turn everything into a photo-op
750. Construct tiny makeshift parachutes for hamsters
751. Test them with weights
752. Make it your personal goal to get on as many infomercials as possible
753. Build a tree house in the middle of a field
754. Teach your dog to obey
755. Teach freshmen to obey
756. Bake the world’s biggest doughnut hole
757. Hunt and peck when you type in public places
758. Snore
759. Ignore people who try to stop you
760. Do crossword puzzles
761. Crack your knuckles
762. Learn HTML encoding
763. Hitch hike to Hawaii
764. Count all the stars in the sky
765. Make a wish on every one
766. Cut the lawn with your teeth
767. Run… don’t stop
768. Host your own radio show from your laundry room
769. Make up code names for you and some friends
770. Volunteer at a nursing home and change your identity hourly
771. Make a fort out of couch cushions
772. Call it “Fort Knox-Over-A lot”
773. Construct a shrine for the queen of the spud peoples
774. Compose a Rock Opera
775. Make it in three acts
776. Roast an entire goat on the front lawn
777. Make a Mr. Zucchini Head
778. Write your entire life memoirs
779. Burn them publicly screaming, “They just aren’t enough!”
780. Invent a telephone that talks to the dead
781. Call it the “Dead Ringer”
782. Record a tribute album for starving children on Mars
783. Wear a hat made entirely out of real cheddar cheese
784. Hold a wedding for Godzilla in your back yard
785. Hold a Bah Mitzvah for Mothra in your front yard
786. Be upset when nobody shows up to either
787. Start a Cabaret in your hometown
788. Sail away
789. Go dumpster diving for sushi
790. Become a tic-tac addict
791. Have a burping contest with a weasel
792. Have a watermelon seed spitting contest with a mongoose
793. Pass go and collect 200 dollars
794. Rub plastic knives together
795. Write on bathroom floors
796. Write letters to random people claiming you are their lost cousin, ask for money
797. Ride a bicycle up Mt. Rainer
798. *69 telemarketers and ask them if they want to buy random stuff
799. Get to know your town drunk
800. Create and manage your very own fruit stand
801. Be a loan shark
802. Be a lone shark
803. Wear a different Hawaiian print shirt everyday for a year
804. Show school pride, for a school other than your own
805. Play I-Spy
806. Spy something red
807. Write glow in the dark messages on people’s ceilings (“I'm watching you!)
808. Write one on yours too, to throw people off
809. Be nervous
810. Bite me
811. Roll your eyes
812. Buy a lazy-boy
813. Be lazy
814. Be amazing
815. Write fortune cookie sayings for a living
816. Become a party animal
817. Become a party mineral
818. Become a go-to kinda man
819. Stay put
820. Leave on a jet plane
821. Start a wheelbarrow-ride business
822. Expand with hayrides
823. Swim to Japan
824. Backstroke your way to class
825. Call toll free numbers and make friends with the tellers
826. Take salt with you wherever you go
827. Braid your dog’s hair
828. Spike your dog’s hair
829. Spike your hair
830. Spike a volleyball
831. Spike some punch
832. Get a grip on life
833. Loosen it a little
834. Just Enjoy
835. Taste the rainbow
836. Smell the hail
837. Hail a cab and walk
838. Work the nightshift
839. Go insane
840. Go outsane
841. Go outside
842. Make banana pancakes
843. Be in denial
844. Hum the ‘happy birthday’ song
845. Get it stuck in other people’s heads
846. Speak the truth
847. Play truth or dare
848. Dare
849. Eat paste
850. Crack your back
851. Step on a crack
852. State into corners
853. Side step
854. Learn to juggle small rodents
855. Learn to snuggle
856. Push in other people’s soda lid buttons for them
857. Be excessive with temporary tattoos
858. Be excessive with kazoos
859. Learn to play the kazoo
860. Paint your toes
861. Bite every other fingernail
862. Put on fake nails
863. Bite those as well
864. Walk on hot coals in Japan
865. Tame a shrew
866. Go bowling-ally hopping
867. Go hot tub hopping
868. Do the bunny-hop
869. Dig yourself a ditch
870. Lie your way out
871. Wear flip-flops and say “flip” “flop” as you walk
872. Call them “frip-frops”
873. Be peeved
874. Wiggle
875. Scheme
876. Spray your family room with febreeze
877. Cause a power failure
878. Be a failure
879. Pour instant concrete in your sister waterbed
880. Give a lecture tour on the historical significance of wart remover
881. Bang pots and pans
882. Form a pot and pan band; name it ‘dirty dishwater’
883. Pee your pants
884. Blame the dog
885. Go on a road trip
886. Visit every Farmington in the US
887. Count every mile marker on the highway out loud as you pass it
888. Convert
889. Revert
890. Sublet your sister’s room
891. Over analyze life
892. Make a movie
893. Star in it, direct it, and produce it
894. Thank the academy
895. Thank your mother
896. Hire a psychic
897. Fire her and ask why she didn’t see that coming
898. Read The Little Engine that Could to your washing machine
899. Become a Beverly Hill Billie
900. Sing the doom song
901. Revel
902. Rebel
903. Return to sender
904. Buy a scratch ticket
905. Send any winnings to me
906. Bring bloomers back in style
907. Bring sexy back
908. Start a bunch of trivial lawsuits
909. Buy your lawyer a new suit
910. Play trivial pursuit
911. Remember the past
912. Forget your future
913. Regroup
914. Leave a trail of Cheerios behind you on vacations
915. Exit the building quickly and efficiently
916. Ponder pollen
917. Ponder pollution
918. Harvest beeswax
919. Write an opera for plumbers
920. Sing an ode to crack
921. Join a sorority
922. Boycott drama
923. Enjoy sisterhood
924. Gargle with saltwater
925. Hunt for jellyfish
926. Befriend a field
927. Be a forum whore
928. Campaign for modship
929. Go to Malibu, Canada
930. Learn to be satisfied
931. Teach a pig to sing
932. Fall asleep standing up
933. Believe in Santa
934. Apply to be an elf
935. Start an elf union for paid holidays
936. Clean up your language
937. Dust your political views
938. Be delirious with fever
939. Be yourself for a change
940. Be yourself for a dollar
941. Color your money
942. Use sidewalk chalk to label everything
943. Learn CPR
944. Research FDR
945. Go to a local concert
946. Become a groupie
947. Have a thumb war
948. Make thumb treaties with the pinkie as an ally
949. Demand macaroni pictures
950. Play footsie often
951. Join a bicycle gang
952. Go on a liquid diet
953. Watch a movie your grandpa would have enjoyed
954. Start a scrapbook of interesting things you find on the ground
955. Be an avid blogger
956. Be an avid frogger
957. Use a blow up swimming pool as a floaty toy in the lake
958. Dress up like a gothic and wake your friends up in the early morning
959. Read your friend’s palms
960. Make it up as you go along
961. Learn to read tarot cards
962. Or don’t and make it up as you go along
963. Get a job
964. Pack, move, unpack
965. Decorate your new place
966. Be on a first name basis with the bartender
967. Re-elect Bill Clinton
968. Love life
969. Take up professional jigsaw puzzling
970. Make bets on everything
971. Go into debt
972. Exit debt, but visit from time to time
973. Develop a fear of light bulbs
974. Rotate your wardrobe
975. Invent a flying car
976. Get into the real estate business
977. Watch the sun, see if it moves
978. Watch your son, see if he moves
979. Start a revolution
980. First find something to revolt
981. Raise a chicken
982. Take its eggs
983. Egg a house
984. Build a house for you eggs
985. Beat some eggs
986. Beat someone else
987. Just beat it
988. Stare randomly behind people to see if they will turn around
989. Duct tape things to the wall and wait for them to fall
990. Constantly ask other people how to spell things
991. Consistently ask other people to smell things
992. Party like a rock star
993. Use up all the hot water
994. Get really close to something and then give up
995. Keep your heart open
996. Smile all day, everyday, for a week
997. Laugh at jokes that aren’t funny
998. Be happy
999. Write a really long list
1000. Decide it’s stupid and toss it
1001. Start over